04-03-2009, 01:04 PM
Join Date: Jan 2003
Notes From The Scammer Files
Just like clockwork these imbeciles keep e-mailing me. The humorous stories they come up with keep me laughing. I think we should export logging to their countries so we can rip down their trees and I can use the print outs of this stuff as wallpaper or toilet paper.
Original Scam E-mail:
FROM EDWARD COLE
PERMIT ME TO INFORM YOU OF MY DESIRE OF GOING INTO BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. I GOT YOUR CONTACT FROM GOOGLE SEARCH . I PRAYED OVER IT AND SELECTED YOUR NAME AMONG OTHERS DUE TO IT'S ESTEEMING NATURE AND THE RECOMMENDATIONS GIVEN TO ME AS A REPUTABLE AND TRUSTWORTHY PERSON I CAN CONFIDE ON AND BY THEIR RECOMMENDATIONS I MUST NOT HESITATE TO CONFIDE IN YOU FOR THIS SIMPLE AND SINCERE REQUEST.
I AM EDWARD COLE,A 22YEARS OLD BOY, THE ONLY SON OF LATE CHIEF AND MRS CHRISTOPHER COLE. MY FATHER WAS A VERY WEALTHY COCOA MERCHANT BASED IN ABIDJAN, THE ECONOMIC CAPITAL OF IVORY COAST BEFORE HE WAS POISONED TO DEATH BY HIS BUSINESS ASSOCIATES ON ONE OF THEIR EVENING OUTING TO DISCUSS A BUSINESS DEAL.
WHEN MY MOTHER DIED ON THE 21ST OCTOBER 2001, MY FATHER TOOK ME SO SPECIAL BECAUSE AM MOTHERLESS. BEFORE THE DEATH OF MY FATHER ON 24TH APRIL 2005, IN A PRIVATE HOSPITAL IN ABIDJAN, HE SECRETLY CALLED ME ON HIS BED SIDE AND TOLD ME THAT HE HAS A SUM OF US$7M (SEVEN MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS) LEFT IN A BANK HERE IN SPAIN. THAT HE USED MY NAME AS HIS ONLY SON FOR THE NEXT OF KIN IN DEPOSIT OF THE FUND. HE ALSO EXPLAINED TO ME THAT IT WAS BECAUSE OF THIS WEALTH THAT HE WAS POISONED BY HIS BUSINESS ASSOCIATES, THAT I SHOULD SEEK FOR A FOREIGN PARTNER IN A COUNTRY OF MY CHOICE WHERE I WILL TRANSFER THIS MONEY AND USE IT FOR INVESTMENT PURPOSE.
FOR THIS SIMPLE REASON, I ARRANGED WITH A TRAVEL AGENT, WHO HELPED ME TO TRAVEL TO SPAIN WHERE THE FUND IS DEPOSITED. I AM RIGHT NOW IN SPAIN AS A REFUGEE.
I AM HONORABLY SEEKING YOUR ASSISTANCE IN THE FOLLOWING WAYS.
1) TO HELP ME RETRIEVE THIS FUND AND HELP PROVIDE A BANK ACCOUNT WHERE THIS MONEY WOULD BE TRANSFERRED INTO.
2) TO SERVE AS THE GUARDIAN OF THIS FUND AND ME
3) TO MAKE ARRANGEMENT FOR ME TO COME OVER TO YOUR COUNTRY TO FURTHER MY EDUCATION AND TO SECURE A RESIDENTIAL PERMIT FOR ME IN YOUR COUNTRY.
MOREOVER, DEAR, I AM WILLING TO OFFER YOU 25% OF THE
TOTAL SUM AS COMPENSATION FOR YOUR EFFORT/INPUT AFTER
THE SUCCESSFUL TRANSFER OF THIS FUND TO YOUR NOMINATED
ACCOUNT OVERSEA. FURTHERMORE, YOU CAN INDICATE YOUR
OPTION TOWARDS ASSISTING ME AS I BELIEVE THAT THIS TRANSACTION WOULD BE CONCLUDED WITHIN TEN (10)WORKING DAYS,AS SOON AS YOU SIGNIFY INTEREST TO
ANTICIPATING HEARING FROM YOU SOON.
THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU.
EMAIL ME DIRECTLY ON email@example.com
My Much Less Original Response:
Eddie my man,
Permit me to inform you of my burning desire to dig you a hole and drop your corpse into it. I got your e-mail and cranked out a groan that would make Herman Munster's skin crawl. Given the undeniable fact that you are a member of the A$$hole society for Undesirables I am assured you are about as untrustworthy as Osama Bin Laden.
I am an educated man, older than you, and an certified gun toting American Citizen. My father is one as well and has bagged himself some foreign cocoa merchants (sorry about that whole "your dads head on my wall thing"). Very kind of you to make it appear as a poisoning accident.
I think it would be wise for you to step away from your stolen computer terminal, take the power jack from the back and put it forth with between your A$$ cheeks. Perhaps that would jolt some sense into you. In your case I can understand you searching for the appropriate socket somewhere in your face. Please do not hold me liable for any permanent damage. I cannot reasonable expect that it would hurt you much anyway as you are already defective by nature.
Consider this my formal appeal for your untimely dirt nap and know that my prayers for your Darwin award were placed the moment I got your e-mail.
Till your Death,