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Intel Corporation buys Advanced Micro Devices |
April 1, 2008
Today, Intel Corporation (ticker symbol: INTC) announced that it has filed paperwork with the Securities and Exchange Commission to acquire industry giant Advanced Micro Devices (ticker symbol: AMD). Advanced Micro Devices had seen its market share fall in recent months while Intel, citing huge performance gains in the Quad core market finally completed its stranglehold on the processor market. Intel CEO, Paul S. Otellini remarked during his announcement speech, "We are proud to say that finally, like Microsoft, we have a product worthy of complete market domination."
AMD, despite its recent purchase of ATI Technologies, had fallen behind in the OEM market; the recent announcement of Dell dropping AMD chips from many of their mainline machines was enough to push AMD shareholders over the brink. Looking for a bailout; they turned to their former enemy Intel. Industry insiders are contemplating the consequences of this combination of corporate empires. Key Intel critic, Aryeh Niv, stated, "No matter what the result of this merger; at least we won't have any more Intel Extreme graphics accelerators as the butt of GPU jokes in the office."
With this announcement, the computing world has been thrown into chaos. As news of the merger broke, internet forums (typically filled with insightful deliberation of technical matters) were overloaded with posts such as, "What does this mean!? I just spent $3000 on my dual AMD Phenom, ATI Crossfire system!!!!!!!!" Another poster remarked, "Hopefully ATI will finally get some driver support." Obviously folks, if you haven't caught on by now, this has all been a very cruel joke at your expense. Are you April Fools?