Joke of the day 10-3

The CRAY supercomputer

One day, Charles complained to his friend Edmund, "Man! My elbow really hurts. I guess I should go see a doctor."

Edmund said, "Don't do that! There's a new Cray supercomputer at the research lab that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the supercomputer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it and it only cost 10 bucks."

Charles figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with his urine sample and deposited the $10.00. The supercomputer started making some noise and various lights started to flashing.

After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:

YOU HAVE TENNIS ELBOW. SOAK YOUR ARM IN WARM WATER. AVOID HEAVY LABOUR. IT WILL BE BETTER IN TWO WEEKS.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, Charles began to wonder if this supercomputer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife, Mairi, and daughter, Rebecca. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the research lab, located the supercomputer. Giggling like a giddy teenager, he poured in the sample and deposited 10 bucks.

The machine again made the usual noises and printed out the following analysis:

YOUR TAP WATER IS TOO HARD. GET A WATER SOFTENER. YOUR DOG HAS RINGWORMS. BATHE HIM WITH ANTI-FUNGAL SHAMPOO. YOUR DAUGHTER IS USING COCAINE. PUT HER IN A REHABILITATION CLINIC. YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT WITH TWIN GIRLS. THEY AREN'T YOURS. GET A LAWYER AND, IF YOU DON'T STOP JERKING OFF, YOUR TENNIS ELBOW WILL NEVER GET BETTER.