Caffinated Ramblings Nov 2002

The purpose of this document is to set forth the guidelines for the licensing of computer users worldwide. This has become necessary due to the amount unskilled users that have infected the using class. Any breach of the laws as outlined will result in being beat the keyboard until bumps rise from the cranium.

Class One

Prerequisites: Some form of formal training, a few years of use, or just a general sense of intelligence.

Rights: Can install and modify software, unrestricted use of the internet as well the ability to perform any hardware install damn well deemed fit.


Class Two

Prerequisites: Being able to find the power button.

Rights: Can install simple software. Unlimited surfing. Install any hardware that is external to the computer


Class Three

Prerequisites: Has heard of the word “Computer” and may even be able to repeat it.

Rights: Can use most of the software already install (as long as it requires no configuration on any level). Can surf sites listed in Favorites. Not allowed to touch any hardware and only the keyboard when needed.


Class Four

Prerequisites: Doesn’t drool on self (much)

Rights: can set in front of computer, may even touch mouse when needed. Only allowed to surf AOL sites.


Class Five

Prerequisites: Can Breath (can be wavered with doctors excuse)

Rights: can play minesweeper with supervision

Unfortunately we have found that 98% of the current using class should be classified as class 5 or below. A mere .7 qualify for class 1 with the remainder falling in between. Please heed the warning of your true class or you run the risk of being strangulated by your own mouse cord. It’s for your own safety.


Am I the only one that thinks this could help. I'm tired of finding out how many people at work don't even know there is a shutdown funciton in Windows. Or people that freak out when they reboot and see the same screen "Okay, now that we've rebooted the monitor, let's go for the computer". Drives me up a freakin' wall.