Dear America From John Cleese(Lancelot from the holy grail)

[Prometheus]

Im really a seattle guy

[StinkyMojo]

Yeah i was kinda dissappointed that I moved here as a child, but Washington ain't so bad.. still hoping we move back down south by my relatives sometime

[Jason425]

washington pride right here... nothing like being one of the most democratic states in the nation

[Prometheus]

we are one of the most liberal


errr im not there anymore...."they"

To the Citizens of England… or wherever your from, John Cleese.
(A response to “Dear America” from John Cleese. Please see corresponding numbers from his letter.)

1. You should look up "aluminum" on "dictionary.com". Check the pronunciation guide. We pronounce it just fine. As for "revocation"... no one uses that word any more. If you reinstate the letter 'U' into any more words, you will be officially labeled as a "retard". There is nothing more futile than adding more letters than necessary. Learn to use another expletive other than "brilliant!". It's getting old. Learn to use abbreviations.

3. Why would any one in the U.S. EVER want to watch a Scottish drama in the first place? I do not believe they even broadcast such utter poopery within 6000 miles (or kilowatts for your metric people). As for understanding accents, you should probably stop pronouncing "here" as "ear". Ears are the things that stick so far off of your heads that you have to walk through doors sideways.

4. Hollywood does not bend to the whim of the people of England. It does not even bend to the whim of reality or taste. And even if the shows "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" were re-cast or watered down, the only people who would notice are people who happen to be up at 2 AM (that's 12:43 in metric time) and can somehow make out the fuzzy, flickering picture of public television channels.

5. No.

6. If you understood the concept of "strategy" you may begin to understand "American Football". Think of it as a game of "Chess" with living pieces. In a completely related issue, the people of England must learn to look relaxed and stop walking/talking like they have some sort of large stick inserted into their asses. You will also stop referring to someone's behind, lower back, butt, tush, booty or ass as a "bum". Those are the things we throw money at on the street corner. Expand your vocab.

7. My vegetable peeler IS a gun.

9. Ok, this is like saying, "All British cars are hereby banned because they are all crap" (which is true). The vast majority of America does not own American cars. It is America which keeps certain German car companies in business. As for "Roundabouts", no - they are stupid.

10. Pssst, we KNOW French fries are not French. It wasn't us who started calling them that in the first place. It was the bloody French! (whom we make fun of on a regular basis. You will learn to do the same.) As for making real chips, dear God. We do not make "real chips" for the same reason we do not eat poop. The English need to learn the importance of food that tastes edible. Once you have tasted foods such as: "Italian", "Mexican", "Thai", or any other food of the entire world, you will understand this. Also, you will stop eating so much cheese.... and wearing sweaters.... or using the color brown for that matter.

11. We don't care.

12. We drink beer to get drunk. The few, the proud who are not involved in this national past time do import and drink the stuff you call beer (which we call "liquid bread" and have to eat with a fork).

The missing numbers are for a reason. There was purely no reason to respond to such things as they are common sense. As for my bad grammar and/or spelling, its your fault the blooming language makes no sense in the first place.

Thank you for your understanding.

[Prometheus]

1.Dictionary.com doesnt have oxford backing it
3.Kilometers
4.Cable reception is quite good here there is sattelite and digital cable
5.we would get confused
6.American football is a rip off of rugby and is nothing but guys running into each other.
7.no, it isnt
9.European cars are better than american cars. They get larger MPG's no lower than 35. They have more space inside (despite looking tiny) Roundabouts are space saving and effective.
10.He's right, chips here are so much better, and you havent tried real Mexican Thai and Italian yet till you go to Europe. Trust me.
11.Does the boston tea party ring a bell with you?
12. The people who DONT drink import and drink beer? Thats a contradiction of terms. "we" dont call it liquid bread. And European beer is much better. It tastes great! (realized he isnt 18) or so I am told.

[vee_ess]

Damn, boy, way to show off that American pride you seem to believe you have.
1. [sarcasm]Go Oxford![/sarcasm] Yeah, you seem to forget that they don't hold a candle to many of our universities any more. Apropos,thy British neighbours are concordantly advised to immediately refrain from using their goode ole words and modernize like we've helped other parts of the archaic British society to do.
4. Cable television was never referred to, only public television which is traditionally transmitted over terrestrial signals.
5. While many games seem boring to me, that guy is absolutely right that there is significant amount of strategy involved (and little playing time). But if you want both, strategy and a fast-paced, high-energy game, watch a Gators or Hurricanes game, it'll be educational, too.
9. Yes, European cars are better, but not necessarily to the degree or in the ways conventionally believed, but explaining this would require an extensive automotive history of the past 3 decades.
10. You haven't experienced real Mexican, Thai, or Italian food unless you go to Mexico, Thailand, or Italy, respectively. Also, I'm damn sure and willing to put money down that I've had far more authentic Mexican food here in Arizona than is served anywhere in Europe.
11. Wow, I can't believe you said that.... Would you pay everyone back the money you won in a poker game?!?
12. Yeah, fine, American beer does suck, but so does British. I'd much rather get hammered off of Beck's or Warsteiner (German beer).

[Prometheus]

I have little american pride we dont have much to be proud about.

I believe in America's core values but thats where it stops.

[Jason425]

in 3 years we'll be all better.. :P

absolutely brillianty put, obviously im reffering to the original post as for what the other guy said about the way we walk, we walk that way because we are not Neanderthal and it is much better for your back.

also id like to add i disagree with your mocking of the food we BRITISH eat we are not a fat nation of people unlike the USA which statistics have shown as being the most obese nation in the world, we have a varied and nutritional diet, so before you mock us take a close look at yourselves.

AMERICAN football is boring as for strategy in it where is it all i see a wall of men trying to stop others getting to their QUARTER-BACK who if he gets the chance throws the ball and sometimes theres somebody there to catch it and why when the ball goes out of play doesnt the other team get the ball, they didnt put the ball out of play.

NONE of your sitcoms make any sense to me, the punchlines are, how do i put it lame, trust me you need to see more BRITISH comedies, bottom, only fools & horses, the office (which once again AMERICA is having dumbed down for you less so ariculate people who dont understand true comedy) i could give you many more but havent got the time to go through them all.

and one further note some of your most famous hollywood stars are not even AMERICAN to name but afew, nicole kidman (aussie), michael caine (british), sir anthony hopkins (british), catherine zeta jones (british), colin farrell (irish), mike myers (british), and mel gibson (aussie).

also you do not wear PANTS you wear TROUSERS pants are similar to boxer shorts they cover your volatile parts.