New element found

HEAVIEST ELEMENT FOUND!

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered!

The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or
electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0.

However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75
vice-neutrons, and 111 assistant vice-neutrons, giving it an atomic
mass of 312.  These 312 particles are held together in the nucleus by
a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles
called morons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert.  However, it can
be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction with which it
comes in contact.  According to the discoverer, a tiny amount of
Administratium caused one reaction to take over 4 days to complete.
It would normally occur in less than 1 second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately 3 years.  At
this time, it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes
reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons, and
assistant vice-neutrons exchange place.  Some studies have shown that
the atomic mass actually increased after each reorganization.

Researchers at other labs indicated that Administratium occurs
naturally in the atmosphere.  It tends to concentrate at certain
points, such as universities, government agencies, large corporations,
and schools.  The element can be found in the newest, best-appointed,
and best-maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any
level of concentration, and can easily destroy any productive
reactions where it is allowed to accumulate.  Attempts are being made
to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent
irreversible damage, but results are not promising.  They will,
however, keep fighting to control the spread of this deadly element.